I was a vegan during my freshman year in college, and it was painful. I started it due to joining PETA, and as a vegetarian, I thought, “Vegan is just eliminating several more things from my diet, it shouldn’t be that hard.”
So I switched from vegetarian to vegan, and from then on, hell arrived.
Why? Because I loved dairy more than I loved my own life. And I was crushing my life then, for a whole year.
Oh, it was also stupid that I announced to all my friends that I was going vegan for at least a year.
I thought having my roommate and everyone I saw everyday know that I was a vegan would help me restrict myself. Which I did.
And I cried for ice cream, so much, for a year.
Coconut milk ice cream doesn’t taste the same, people, it doesn’t.
It took me forever to get to cashier from the moment I walked into H.E.B. When I usually snatched anything I wanted, I had to learn to avoid my favourite cakes, read the ingredients section of everything before putting it in the cart, and holding back my tears because oh, it was so painful to say goodbye.
I did not have tiramisu for a year. I honestly thought I’d die one of those days.
However, surprisingly I was healthy. I didn’t struggle that much with my health and my allergies weren’t bothering me as much. So despite my being miserable on day to day basis, I was living “well.”
Then, the time was up and I celebrated with my sister by going to an Italian restaurant nearby our apartment and devouring tiramisu. For the first time in a year.
After that I swore, “Never again will I go back to that diet. Not even if someone offers me a large amount of cash.”
Well, I was so bad at predicting my future. So, so bad.
Few months ago I was informed that my allergies were oftentimes triggered by my insane consumption of dairy (and sugar, uhm…). I baked a lot, so I had a lot of sweets. And on top of that, I always loved sweets. I mean, who doesn’t?
So for the past couple of months I’ve been back to my vegan diet. I had a cheat day few days back, but it was due to an accident (the waitress forgot and put condensed milk in my order) and I tried avoiding the sweets after that.
Funny thing is that, I keep going back to the vegan year I had few years back, and it helps. Remembering the times I had to struggle holding back tears and pain helps me get through the present time.
Unexpectedly, it doesn’t bother me that much.
Even though, few years back it made me lose my sanity.
Nowadays I spend less money when I go out because I can’t have everything I want. I cook my meals because well, no one would. I’ve been watching tons of Vegan Recipes videos on YouTube. Watching random vegan life videos too. Reading some people’s blog posts.
It’s more like my personal research on “YOU WENT THROUGH THIS SHIT TOO TEACH ME HOW TO SURVIVE” kind of thing. Call it soul searching. Or 10,000 ways to satisfy my dying appetite.
It’s been soy milk, almond milk, cashew milk, tofu, tofu, and tofu. And well, so far it’s been alright…
Ah well, vegan diet, here we go again.