The Kinds of Flirt I Refuse to Stand

by Devina

Firstly no, I’m not that attractive. But there are people who just hit on whatever that moves. A lot of them apparently hit on me.

For some unknown reason.

Well, there are the kinds of flirts I refuse to stand, and you know what, so should you. Some people need to get the signal, no? If someone is not interested, that won’t change quickly unless of course, the person is Blair Waldorf and you’re a prince or a duke. But people can’t take hints. And sometimes they think too highly of themselves.

The Forever Texting Flirt

This person who texts you from the moment he wakes up to the time he bids the world goodnight has got to go. And curse the free texting we’ve been blessed with today! It’s both good and bad at the same time. It allows us to just rely on phone data to text friends without paying extra, and these people to text us nonstop for days without paying anything either! This is usually the, “Good morning! Slept well? Have you had breakfast yet? Lunch? Dinner? What are you doing right now? Where are you? Are you free? I miss you. Can I see you?” that you don’t even bother checking because all you want is to delete every single message you receive from that person. I know I have.

The “Not taking no for an answer” Flirt

Okay, I get it. You’re determined. What an ambition you have. But you’re a pain in the arse and annoying me to the point that I am reading chemistry books to build a bomb for you. When a girl has said, “NO” more than twice, she probably really means it, pal. Like, don’t bother.

Now, ladies who have dealt with this, let’s block this number, shall we?

This is usually the person who keeps pushing his luck. Going “How bout today? Tomorrow? Saturday? Sunday? Next week?” after you have said, “I am not interested at all” many times.

The Calling Flirt

It is 10 PM, we’re in bed, TV is on, playing Sherlock, and we are comfortable. The world is silent and it’s beautiful. Then the phone rings. We see the caller and we hit reject. But then the phone keeps ringing. We keep hitting reject.

Then voice messages start arriving. Of course at some point, we might think it’s emergency and listen to them. But if those voice messages can be visualized, they will be a huge dump you find right under your old cow’s butt.

The Stalking Flirt

“I took a photo of you, you know. It’s a nice photo. I saw you at the bookstore last week and thought you should be captured in pictures more.”

“You like fries, right? When I followed you home the other day, I saw you order two large fries from McDonald’s.”

Run.

Run for your life. Block this person. Restraining order needs to be placed. Anything. But first, run.

Oh, and next time you go out, carry a pepperspray with you. Or a knife. Whatever you prefer.

The Trying Hard to Sound Smart Flirt

It’s always good to have similar interests. To like the same things. It’s healthy to have in order to have good discussions and debates – whatever floats your boat. But don’t try to sound smart if you don’t know anything about the topic your romantic interest is talking about. I mean, just don’t.

I will never forget the guy who told me that he, just like me, loved superheroes, because you know, his favorite Marvel hero was Batman. Then went ahead to tell me he loved Daredevil before asking me few minutes after, “Who’s this Matt Murdock guy you’ve been talking about?”

Or a guy in International Studies department who said that every country in Europe used Euro, all Asian countries spoke only Mandarin, and that he could easily go to Brazil and live there since their official language was Spanish. And he told me I should be impressed.

I was impressed by how brave he was with the incorrect information he got stored in his head. Truly.

The Self Centered Flirt

“I graduated top of my class from Harvard, you know. And my professors still send me e-mails and postcards sometimes, telling me that they haven’t met any other student as brilliant as me. Do you want to see the postcards?”

“I work out. Check out my muscles. And here are my photos at the gym. I used to lift xx pounds, but now I’ve grown so much better and I am doing xx pounds now. This was me last year, this is me now. See the improvements?”

“People say, whoever dates me is a lucky one. I am all rounded. I’m athletic, I play guitar, I can sing, I am good at baking, I’m a romantic, and I am just so good in everything. And they say I’m really good looking too, you know. What do you think? Don’t you agree?”

If I were you, I’d gtfo.

The CIA Flirt

It feels as if you’re going through an interview. The restaurant feels like an empty 4 by 4 room, white walls, and you’re chained to the table for some reason. The questions are flying through you and you’re scared to answer them because it feels like every single word that comes out of your mouth is being over analyzed.

This starts with “I want to get to know you better” and sounds so sweet but ends up dragging and haunting.

“Why did you end your last relationship? How long was it? How was your ex partner like?”

“What’s your favorite color? Why? Does it remind you of someone? Something? Some place? Some time?”

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