And my heartbeat died, slowly pacing itself back to the emptiness.
This time I had chosen myself.
Not you, not them, not her, not him, but me.
And the loneliness would soon come after.
But life would go on this way. When I had come into life alone, I shall leave alone too.
Those who had been and would be there for me, I forever cherish.
But forgive me for choosing me.
I had not loved you less. I had not thought of you less.
It is the way I am. And nothing can change it.
Perhaps it would hurt you and them, and perhaps it would hurt me. But what choice would I have?
What would choosing other people’s happiness and abandoning my own do to me in the long run?
Would it build me up? Or would it one day explode in a mad depression and panic episodes?
Stillness. It got dark and lonely now.
Because in this long journey, I’m my best chance at surviving