by Devina Gunawan
- Not wearing headphones while watching or listening to something on ipad/phone/tablet/laptop in the presence of other people. TV is good. Everyone knows what’s on it, everyone else can watch with you. But to be watching on something only you’re holding, and not letting the others see it, while putting it on full blast – is rude. The worst is when they complain about the same thing when others do it. It’s always something I hold back in when my thoughts go to, “Hello, do you not own a mirror?”
- Telling people to put their phones away during dinner or social gathering, and then having it on and beeping nonstop the whole time. I cannot stand this. I have a friend who always tells everyone else, “Put your phone away! Respect everyone else in the room,” and later on has his phone in hand, texting all the time. It’s a good thing it’s his mother he’s texting, because if not I don’t know what the others would have done to him and his precious phone.
- Criticizing people for doing something that they are doing too. The double standards! The “I can do it because I know limits (and blabla) but you can’t because you are less than me” type of argument. It is a simple, basic rule that if you know you are doing something that isn’t exactly defined as ‘good,’ then don’t criticize others for doing the same thing. It’s not like you make any better choice.
- Meeting up with close friends not for the sake of catching up, but gossiping. Firstly, I understand that people love to gossip, but to use the excuse of “catching up” only to talk about others behind their backs is not exactly nice. I don’t pay attention to other people’s lives, and I really do not really care unless I am involved in their lives directly. I don’t care who gets dumped by who and who is desperately looking for a spouse. But it’s inevitable. A lot of the times when I sit down and ready myself for a heart to heart conversation, the first thing I hear is, “So you heard about the breakup news?”
- Calling someone best friend or good friend for the privileges. I know I am nice, and a lot of the times I can be naive. Especially when it comes to beautiful women. But nice doesn’t mean dumb. And I know well how it works – they call me best friend, call me during ungodly hours to talk (yes, 3AM is pretty ungodly), ask me to do things for them, and when I need someone to talk to or to help me… puff! They’re gone into thin air.
- Lying to avoid appointments, and not feeling bad about it. Let me make this clear, people don’t come and see you unless they care (or to some, they need something from you). And to make time, clear out the schedule, and drive the distance to see you, only to have you cancel last minute with lies… That’s ouch. Time is precious. And if we make time for you that means we care. Once my best friend and I waited for an old friend who begged us to come and see her. We waited forever and then saw her across the street drinking beer with some guys when she texted, “Sorry girls, I am so tired today. Fell asleep and just woke up.”
- Interrupting someone when the person is talking about something that is of sensitive topic and is emotional. It’s like starting a war. And before you know it, you’re stuck in the middle of people yelling at each other because one ignores the one basic courtesy to listen to someone until the sentences are complete. Listening to someone talk about what hurts them is not surviving tsunami, it isn’t hard.
- Denying to ever having said anything you remember they have said. The worst is when they comment and laugh at it as if you’re the one who’s crazy. I can’t stand it when someone insults someone else, and when the other person feels hurt just goes ahead and says, “I didn’t say that. You made it up in your head.” Well, everyone else heard it, jerk, you are the one with problems. A simple “I am sorry” would go a long way.
- Treating apologies like cancer. Those people who screw up so bad and when confronted, say, “Remember you did something bad last time?” Blackmail isn’t nice. And just because you know someone’s past doesn’t put you above. Why can’t people say “I am sorry”? Why? If you count, really, there are only three words and eight letters. And instead of giving those words a chance, one just has to turn the tables around and make the wronged feel horrible. It’s like you cut someone and pour salt on the wound.
- Saving up their money by sacrificing other people’s. I had a friend once who loved shopping. She went shopping on daily basis and well, she was rich. Her parents sent her monthly allowance that I would have spent on more nutritious foods if I’d been the one receiving it. But she didn’t care about foods. She would rather starve herself than buy foods, just so that she could save the money for an expensive scarf. But the worst was her asking me for money to buy foods and her eating my food when I wasn’t looking or in the bathroom. And I was living on tight budget with cheap pasta and bread!
- Laughing at people with eating disorder while refusing to eat. I survived anorexia athletica and I am forever thankful that I got through that and learned how to love myself. So seeing people struggle is sad, and I would give anything to help them see that they’re beautiful without having to be skinny. But there are some people who mock the anorexic and then at the same time, show signs of anorexia. We tend to mock others to make ourselves feel better, and that is horrible.
- Going through people’s stuff because they’re curious. And this is why I wear my pepperspray around my neck.
- Complaining, very loudly, about an exam or a task to other people who are actually really struggling, and excelling in it. My sister had this friend who was going depressed and telling his friends that he was feeling suicidal and all due to an exam, which he did better than most. The other people he complained to were really struggling with their grades and studies, and they weren’t being dramatic – plus, he got really good grade and some of them failed. And being good friends that they were, they were worried about him and even tried to talk to the supervisor to help him out, only to find out that he was actually doing well.