When Romantic Love isn’t Priority

by Devina Gunawan

We all have those moments of puppy love, the days when all that matters is to get his or her attention. Those days when receiving simple texts of a smiley face could brighten up the whole day. The simpler days. When your heart and mind follow only one particular object of affection, the person you dote upon.

But for a lot of us who have gone through colleges and startup of careers, those days are over.

We no longer think of that certain person 24/7, because our mind is filled with worries of paying the rents, paying taxes, getting things done before deadlines, etc. We no longer indulge ourselves in super long dates because we know time is precious. Time to finish up work, more or less.

More than wanting to take few days off to be with the one you love, you are scared of losing your job. More than wanting to call your love during lunch break, you want to impress your boss and get that promotion.

Eros is replaced by basic needs, which are covered by financial security. Financial security is equal to enough, if not more, money.

People say money can’t buy happiness, but money can open doors of possibilities to find happiness. It provides, it lets us purchase, travel, and support our lives, families, dreams, and many other things.

So for a lot of us, securing our lives with good finances has become the top priority. Especially, when you are out there living on starting salary and trying to save up to make sure when bills are coming you are ready to pay them.

But it will hurt, especially those we love. They will question their own worth, if we love them or not, and if we truly want to be with them. They will ask the questions of, “Choose one, me or your career.” or something that goes along that line.

And what can we say to such thing?

In the end, romantic relationships go down and our lives become a relentless pursuit of financial security. For the time being, it is.

A lot of us understand well, and have seen more than enough, that in a committed relationship such as marriage, love alone is not enough. A married life requires two people to manage and build a life, in which basic needs will be the main priorities, and once they have children, whatever is best for their children’s education and future and whatever else in store.

We oftentimes do not want to put the ones we love through all the doubting, the questioning, and we walk away. Because we know deep down that even though the ideal story would be to live happily with whatever you have, sometimes we crave more.

Eventually in the end we realize that love is everything, love is the one force that keeps us going.

But in the midst of bills and security, how can romantic love be a priority?

Sometimes we need to remember to understand. And hopefully those will understand us. That it isn’t that we do not love them, or that we love them any less. But that we are at the stage of seeking security, building a life, and supporting our independence.

It has nothing to do with our love, it does not mean we do not think of them. It just means that there are things that are urgent, fear of not being able to provide not only for ourselves but for those we love.

Our hearts love just the same, but our minds are not exactly ready. Our time is reserved by commitment to another relationship called career, and our dedication goes to working hours. But just because they aren’t priority doesn’t mean love isn’t there.

And meanwhile, you just hope that they will understand.

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5 thoughts on “When Romantic Love isn’t Priority

    • Thank you! Yes, money isn’t everything. At some point it is a phase for some people. Thankfully, not you. Personally, I too am a believer that we need to make time, even for super long dates. And I sleep three hours a day because of that. Ahaha. It’s worth it. But I know to some people it’s not 😦

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      • I did the career thing, but I can tell you now…for me, I nearly killed myself in the process. I have had two “malignant cells” removed from my right breast and all the money in the world could not entice me back to that lifestyle 🙂 when it comes to dates, many ppl think it involved long diner dates, it can be a simple as a walk to the beach, coffee at a local cafe. As little as 10-15 minutes out of the day to reconnect ❤️ 🙂

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      • Oh my goodness I am so sorry that happened to you! But that’s a relief that the malignant cells got removed! It will hit a lot of people hard, I just hope it won’t take too long. Thank you for sharing 🙂 And I’m so glad you’re well now!

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