Craving Stability and Comfort

By Daniella Djiogan 

Life seems complicated now

A new life first comes with excitement

Then pain, uncertainty, and later (hopefully stability if not depression)

I took the first step of my single life a few months ago

Not single meaning relationship-wise,

But single as in myself without company

It felt strange

Being sheltered from birth takes a big blow at your adult life

Graduating was fun, though I didn’t learn a thing (I suppose)

Perhaps revisiting the books might rekindle old procrastination habits

But to be honest, I wish I had at least learnt something about life in a foreign land or anything that didn’t require cramming the night before or that day itself

Now, I am in a foreign land… ALONE

 I have lots of friends back home, but why does it feel like I have none?

Why does it feel like I am abandoned?

Why has the word “foreigner” become my first name?

I took a risk by coming here?

It wasn’t a career or financial risk, but it was one that involved risking a part of me

Primarily, I wanted to test myself… to test if that confidence of mine was up-to-date

To test if I could survive by myself in an unknown place

To test if I was grown up enough

I knew my comfort and stability might suffer a great deal, but I still took the step

A step which I sometimes regretted because it was too big

Life is funny isn’t it? We claim we want to take big steps

While in reality, we crave those baby steps… we crave stability and comfort.

 

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