by Devina Gunawan
Some of my guy friends always came to me for love advice. They knew that I had dealt with so many love stories that I could relate to any story and all of their issues. Sometimes it would cross my mind: are guys always this dumb?
I remember a good friend of mine came to me to talk about a girl he met on internet. She told him so many things and their relationship went forward so fast, in a flash. It was like a roller coaster for him. And every time he tried to get out of it, she would start mentioning one or two guys who were after her, and my poor friend would stumble again and stay by her side to protect her.
I laughed when he told me his stories. I just smiled and said, “She got you. She got you so well. Have you ever heard the word manipulation? If you haven’t, then dear friend, she’s manipulating you.”
Girls compete. Girls manipulate. Girls attack each other. Girls take control.
We lie, we sabotage, we put up perfect pretense, we create drama, we are just the monopoly army.
Do we need violence? Do we have to use our fists?
Perhaps, sometimes, but most of the time we just sit back and watch things fall into our scripts.
We girls were told to not show violence when we were little. It is okay for boys to hit each other, to be engaged in some heavy physical activities and to express themselves physically. “They are boys,” “Boys are boys,” “Boys are always physical.” It is not okay for girls to be violent. “Act like a girl!” “Watch your manners!” “A lady shall never raise a hand!”
So how do we express our hatred, our anger, and our sadness?
It is alright for girls to cry. Even so, people expect girls to cry. In theatre when a sad movie is playing, people will laugh or sneer when a guy is crying. He can start pointing at girls around him and say, “They are too” but people will not care. “Girls cry over sad things” is a usual statement. Crying over something that is touching or over a delicate topic is considered feminine.
Fear of insects or animals is associated with women as well. Men are brave. Men are courageous. That is why women hide behind their men whenever they see something scary, right?
I remember once, few years back, on a conference call my now-ex-boyfriend shrieked when he accidentally hit something and our friends thought it was my voice and asked if I was okay. I responded, “That was him. I don’t shriek like that,” and it took them awhile to believe it. Afterwards, whenever they heard shrieks on the phone when I was on a call, my friends laughed and told my boyfriend how girly he was. Is it really girly? What is girly?
People watch over our reactions and responses towards things. Tough, isn’t it? Gender role is definitely pretense in so many ways. In public a girl has to hold her fist when she is angered because it is not lady like to show violence. In a movie theatre a guy has to hold back his tears when watching a sad movie because it is not manly to cry over sappy romance.
So due to this constant supervision the world sets up, we girls find our own ways to express our anger and hatred. How else can we do it if not through manipulation and sabotage? I am sure this is probably why girls are more sensitive and keen than boys. We observe, we wait, we calculate moments and times until we can strike our enemies down.
What do two girls who hate each other do? I never see my girlfriends hit each other in the face or be tangled in fist fight. Like those cat fights in movies? That rarely happen!
I have witnessed girls steal other girls’s boyfriends, I have seen girls spread horrible rumors about their enemies, I have seen girls pretend to be victims and make other people hate their targets.
Girls know enough to sabotage friendships. We are more linked to emotions than boys are. When they are busy observing their muscle growth, we are busy observing people’s reactions and responses to things. We learn people’s weak spots and we know how to get them.
We have grown so good at this that we can use manipulation in different areas in our lives. We are natural actors. And the world’s perception that we are the weaker ones has become our advantage.
When they think they own women, they are actually falling into our trap.
Obviously this is not always the case. Some women are just free from all manipulation and schemes and crazy games of minds. And I have encountered men who are just as good at manipulating others, but of course, so far I have never met more than three who can outsmart a manipulative woman.
If a man can say it is women’s nature to be sensitive and emotional, he should know that it is also women’s nature to turn things into their games due to being sensitive and emotional. We deal with emotions so much that we know how to play and control them. But men’s ignorance and insensitivity will never get them there. Somewhat those “Act like a girl!” “Avoid violence!” blows from our parents have given us women very good outcome.
When I told my guy friend of his being manipulated, his response was, “No way, Vin. She is a very sweet, nice, loving girl.”
And I just laughed. “Yeah right.”